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The Mean Things We Say to Ourselves

Have you ever been extremely gung ho about something in your life only to find that you are powerless to move forward to take action on what you want? Have you ever had a thought such as “I’m too fat” or “I’ll never get out of debt” or “I’m not good enough (fill in the blank)”? These are what are called limiting beliefs, Melissa Ambrosini calls it “Your Inner Mean Girl” and Jen Sincero calls it “BS (the Big Snooze)”. Whatever you choose to call these thoughts they are what are keeping you and me from being our whole, true, complete, fabulous selves.

Mine started in elementary school where I was by far the smallest kid in my class. When I started kindergarten I weighed a whopping 28 lbs and had to climb up into the bus because I couldn’t get my legs up on the step. I was teased (today it would probably be called bullied) mercilessly for years and called a wide range of names, some were intended to be sweet or playful. I heard time and time again how I couldn’t do this or I couldn’t do that because I was too small and it wasn’t for me. I know some people will laugh at this but I was referred to as “cute” my entire life, like a puppy, and it irritated me so much, to this day I hate being called “cute”. As young girls growing up we all want to be beautiful or gorgeous, that was never me. I was obviously not a basketball player which is what I wanted more than anything but I was allowed to be the team manager and keep score so I wasn’t excluded totally. I’m not saying that my life growing up was awful and I never had any friends quite the contrary, but not realizing what they were doing these friends (and family) would constantly make comments about my height and my limitations and by doing so engrained the belief that I was lacking, that I was incapable of doing things “normal” people can do.

I’m 4’11 now and my husband was the first person to tell me that I’m beautiful instead of cute; I could have married him on the spot! J I’m successful in that I have a great job that pays me well, a loving husband and son, I am the first person in my family to get my Master’s degree, I’ve got my own coaching business (well starting it anyway) however despite all of that I still have these voices in my head that sabotage me from being who and what I truly want to be. It’s hard to replace voices that you’ve heard for years, especially during your formative years, with upbeat positive affirmations in a short time; it’s a process, something that I work on personally every day. The good news though is that it is possible to change your inner voice, make your mean girl nice and get rid of the BS. The first step in getting rid of those voices is identifying them and making them known and then telling them in no uncertain terms that you don’t need them anymore that your life direction is changing and they don’t fit in the new, wonderful life you are making for yourself.

I encourage each and every one of you wonderful, amazing women to get rid of those voices in your head once and for all and instead of telling yourself “I can’t”, tell the world “I CAN!”

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